A person made an Inter Universal call to "Goloka Vrindavana" and Krishna's call centre. An executive picked up the phone and the following conversation took place.

Person: Hare Krishna!

Executive: Hare Krishna! How I can help you Sir?

Person: Actually I want to confirm about entry into "Goloka Vrindavana" but I need to know details.

Executive: What kind of details do you want to know Sir? Please let me know one by one.

Person: What is the eligibility for entry?

Executive: "Unalloyed Devotee"

Person: When you say Unalloyed Devotees? What does this mean?

Executive: Sir, There are three types of unalloyed or pure devotee. The first kind is a nitya-siddha, uttama-adhkari bhakta situated on the platform of prema. Up to the stage of bhava you can fall back down, but on the platform of prema you cannot.

The second type of pure devotee has one foot in the spiritual world and one foot in the material world. They are situated on the platform of bhava, and may fall down from this position if they are careless or unfortunate.

The third type of pure devotee has both feet in the material world but his eyes are firmly fixed on the spiritual world. Because of his determination and aspiration, and as long as he does not take his attention from that goal, he or she is also a pure devotee.

Person: How much investment do you need to buy a house in Goloka Vrindavana?

Executive: Sir, The amount you need to pay for a house in Goloka Vrindavana is "Pure Devotion". Invest in devotion as much as you can. In your material world, everything has profit and loss but with bhakti there is no loss, only profits and profits. So invest your bhakti as much as you can.

Person: Ok, I will do that but who will guide me in this investment. Can you send one of your executives to meet me at my home?

Executive: Yeah sure Sir, in your material world there are lots of bonafide spiritual masters like Srila Prabhupada or their books of knowledge. They can help you in this process and these schemes. We would suggest that you find a disciplic succession or line of teachers and then continue to work with them.

Person: Oh I got it. I should search for that. One more thing, do you have any easy scheme for that investment?

Executive: Yeah we do have Sir, Please keep chanting while doing your work then you can invest a lot for your confirmation to the spiritual world.

Person: Do I need to pay some initial amount or something?

Executive: Yeah Sir, You need to surrender yourself to Krishna and you need to be very submissive and humble. Because only by being submissive and humble you can invest a lot.

Person: Do you have any manual or help booklet for this scheme?

Executive: Yeah Sir, You can buy either "Bhagavad Gita" or Srimad Bhagavatam" for all details.

Person: Oh great. I was also wondering, what is the future security in "Goloka Vrindavana"?

Executive: Do not worry it's so simple. If you invest here you will get uncountable benefits forever. No one will let you come back to the material world.

Person: Wonderful. I am surprised that by only doing bhakti investment we can confirm eternal life back home in the spiritual world.

Executive: Yes it's true and amazing.

Person: I would like to talk to your master "Krishna". Please give me His contact information.

Executive: Sir, Please write down.

Person: yeah. I am writing. Tell me.

Executive: Dial Hare Krishna maha mantra to your heart. Press 1 to surrender and then press 2 to become humble and then press 3 to connect to the Super soul in your heart.

Person: Wonderful. It's so easy.

Executive: yeah Sir. We have already provided local lines to everyone. But no one uses them. But anyway, this Inter Universal call will be a bit expensive so you can dial to your local heart. Rather than talking to us, you can directly talk to our boss "Krishna the Great".

Person: Yeah, thanks for that. Could I ask one more question?

Executive: Yeah sure sir.

Person: Is there any more schemes that are going on while I am doing my bhakti?

Executive: Yeah Sir, You can also use "Ekadashi Scheme ". You just need to observe fasting on ekadashi and try to invest more bhakti to be near to our boss. Once our boss is with you no one can stop you entering into Golaka Vrindavana.

Person: But observing a fast on ekadashi seems a bit difficult. Can someone help me in this?

Executive: Oh sure. You take the vow to observe fast on ekadashi. Krishna will never let you fall down and will help you keep your vow. We take very good care of our customers (Devotees). Don't worry.

Person: Thanks. I will talk to the boss now. I will dial local line to my heart. Thanks man.

Executive: No issues sir, anytime. We are always here to serve you. May Krishna bless you with a beautiful home in Goloka Vrindavana.

Then a mild musical chant started.

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare.

Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare...