"Shoulds" and "Blamers"

Here are nine positive ways to deal with Shoulds and Blamers.

1. Avoid self-centeredness or selfishness. By abandoning our own selfishness, we will find it much easier to understand someone else's viewpoint or position. It will help us understand their actions, pain, hurt, or needs. It is not just a matter of being right; rather, it is a matter of producing a loving effect. A genuine spiritualist never just wants to be right. Actually, a person with this mindset is a jnani or philosopher who will never reach a deep level of bhakti or devotion. We want to be right in the right way so that we can constantly honor, embrace, and glorify God.

2. Avoid assumptions when we judge. The mind is so wild and prone to all kinds of speculation. Consequently, we must be careful before we jump to prejudiced conclusions.

3. First change ourselves so that we can help affect others. We can think, "What changes do I need to make in my own life so that I can encourage that change in someone else." It means that we need to stop minimizing our own potency and stop blaming others. Although another person may have real issues, we still have our own ability to make a difference because God has no favorites. He is in everyone's heart. Everyone has the ability to influence their environment if they recognize their eternal identity as divine entities.

4. Try to understand the environment more closely. By closely studying the field of activities, one can gain a better understanding of cause and effect, which will decrease the likelihood of an overreaction.

5. Revenge will only compound a problem rather than resolve it. Revenge will just drag us down to the other person's level, hinder us from acting productively, and cause us to constantly live in the past. All of us have acted in unbeneficial ways in the past and we hope that others will forgive us. We forgive so that we can also be forgiven. We also forgive for ourselves because we want to constantly access love.

6. Always look for the deeper meaning in any situation. We do not just want to embrace the immediate, irrational expression of anger, especially since the first emotional impression can be very misleading and superficial.

7. Ask questions to get healthier feedback. Good questions can give us more facts and much more insight, sympathy, and empathy.

8. Be realistic and honest when dealing with issues. In this way, all parties will know how to authentically deal with the conflict. If parties are not revealing their real fears, anxieties, and needs, the conflict will not be resolved and can even escalate.

9. Value other people more. If we can develop a deeper level of appreciation, whatever happens in their lives will become important to us and will help us find a way to glorify God more. If we do not value others, it will be hard to have authentic, healthy, and meaningful relationships.